1. You are not Gordon Brown.
 
2.  Tony Blair has gone.
 
3. You don't live in Iceland.
 
4. You don't shop in Iceland.
 
5. Your pension can't go down much further.
 
6. George Bush is on his way out.
 
7. Porn is still free on the internet.
 
8. West Ham are going bust.
 
9. Sir Fred Goodwin (RBS) will soon be on the dole.
 
10. The weekend is never more than 5 days away.

---